Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
