You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
