Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
