You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
