he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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