I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
