Your dad touched me again.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
