the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
