dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Randomize
