College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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