Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
