i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
