so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
