don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have fence marks all over my body
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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