Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
