I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
