Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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