All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
