My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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