grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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