maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
