my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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