I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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