You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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