Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
