How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
