apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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