Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
