I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
