Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
