Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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