take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
