already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
