His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
