today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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