New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
