I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
