My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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