Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
