How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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