Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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