He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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