Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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