what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
