He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
