she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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