I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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