I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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