Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
