the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
