I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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